I expelled the breath I'd been holding, relieved the pressure in my chest, and unplugged the dam to cleanse my soul. Figuratively speaking. All that with hardly a drop of embarrassment. Having buddies around must be a blessing. Yes, it must be.
Even so, it's hard to tell buddies about what shames us. Some things I don't want to tell, wanting to avoid the pitying looks, or the exclamations, or the indignation they feel on my behalf. Somehow I assume these will be the typical reactions. They hurt my pride. Beyond that, well... There are many reasons why we shouldn't be an open book. Yet friends surprise me with their reactions sometimes when I give up that shield of privacy - they listen, they comment, but they don't make a big deal of it and make me feel embarrassed or weak or stupid. The best part is that they understand and they empathise. It means so much.
Despite the need for privacy (otherwise known as self-preservation), don't you ever feel an urge, no, a huge need, to confide in your friends? It's an internal struggle occasionally, this need to trust my friends with my personal affairs, and the need to lock feelings up securely so that no one can even guess that life isn't paradise on earth. To trust is to open oneself to vulnerability, and I so hate being that. It's hard to allow room for weaknesses. Or it is simply about me stubbornly refusing to admit that I'm not tough all the time, not supergirl without a chink in my armour?
No, no. That cannot be. I am supergirl.
... Maybe I just call in my super sidekicks to help me out when there's too much shit.
i will be waiting when you're coming home
if you need someone to ease the pain
you can lean on me
love will still remain //