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I had a rather busy weekend, running to, around and back from Yokohama. It was fun going shopping with mom, although this time we were looking for work clothes for me rather than the casual, going out kind. The reality of work is getting closer and closer, maybe a little too close for comfort. In any case, I liked having the undivided attention of my mom, instead of fighting for it with my brother, dad, or even the cat! Labels: family, Japan, relationships
You know how it is said that blood is thicker than water? I think that blood ties aren't all equal. At the end of the day how much time you spend with one person, and your familiarity with that person, matters. Even though my grandmother is a close kin, when my mom is around I'd much rather talk to my mom. After all, I grew up under my mom's wing for all my twenty-two years, so there are no communication barriers or feelings of reservation. Whatever I want to say, I say. For other relatives, it's almost like there's something lodged in my throat and I feel a bit anxious when I want to say something, because I don't know how they will react.
That aside, a friend once told me we dream a lot every night, just that we don't remember most of our dreams. I remember last night's dream all too vividly. I actually dreamt of Oliver, of him wanting to talk to me, of me shunning him until he gave up, then of me doing a 180 turnabout and trying ways to get him to talk to me... Somehow it felt real, because the dynamics of our relationship in the dream is rather similar to that in the past reality. At the same time, my mind wasn't trying to fool around with me, knowing all too clearly the current reality, because in my dream he had a girlfriend too. What's my point? I don't know. I only know that I woke up feeling really surprised that he appeared in my slumber.
Hmm. It's 1.13am Singapore time. Mommy should be back by now. The two weeks flew by all too quickly, and in a way I was glad she asked my grandparents and I to leave first instead of waiting a few hours for her to go through the departure gates. I hate waving goodbye from there, she on one side and I on the other. It's like we're a pair, it feels wrong having to say goodbye! Then again, having my mom wave to me from the top of the escalator while I descended to the basement to take the train felt strange too. The whole separation issue at the point of separation simply weirds me out. But I am a master of appearances. In unbearable situations, with a few deep breaths and an iron will, I can will the tears away. Maybe that's why some people find me cold. But I really think there's no need to wear one's heart on one's sleeve.
Damn tired. After a butt-achingly long journey from Narita, when I finally reached my room I felt like collapsing onto my bed. Every time I come back from my grandparents' place I am loaded with more than what I brought there. I'm always sent back with lots of food, and the 20-minute walk back from the station never felt more arduous; It felt like my shoulders were about to pop out of their sockets. There was to be no rest, I spent the next few hours rushing birthday preparations. It is extremely difficult to pull off successful surprises, and I feel particularly inept at it!
Sigh.
Shower at 1am, studying at 1.30am, blogging at 2am, and bed at 2.30am. My day is finally over...!