I've always loved going back for hwachong maf. Listening to students and alumni alike singing the school songs enthusiastically, jumping up and down, it makes my heart swell with pride. I really really like the songs. And there's this feeling of homecoming, like things haven't changed - the songs, the dances... At least, not drastically, though there's a new english song. Watching everyone coming together being a part of something larger than themselves, it's easy to feel proud and homey. But at the same time, there was a sense of... isolation? Fewer people from my batch are returning, and it's simply not the same as being part of the crowd jumping up and down with a whole group of friends. There's beauty still, but a distant one.

It must be rather difficult breaking out of a cycle, changing something that has been the norm for years. This is the first year that I went for maf and behaved as a spectator, taking everything in from a vantage point. I was a little sad/disappointed that my usual dance partner danced with someone else. Even if he'd asked me, I couldn't have joined in because I was with a non-hwachong friend and it wouldn't be nice to leave her alone, but the issue is that he didn't ask. Among the bouncing crowd, I somehow spotted him. He looked happy enough dancing with a girl who didn't seem to know what she was doing. It's unreasonable for me to begrudge others their happiness, right? But yeah, I'm disappointed.

Some part of me is wondering if I've outgrown maf, ridiculous as it may sound. Maybe this will be my last maf.

- supergirl soul-saved @ 12:24 am :)

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