Disclaimer: Possibly morbid entry ahead. Read at own peril.

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Last night one of punkie's friends passed away in a motorcycle accident. He was to turn 21 next month.

When we die we become past tense immediately, did you realize that? He became past tense.

It made me flash back to the time I saw my grand aunt on her death bed, and shortly after attended her funeral.
Being privy to the frailty of life, to its transience, its fleetingness, the family members' pain… It's quite a blow to the heart.

We realized that all the years of living didn't prepare us for death – we don't know what to do when someone dies.
We don't expect people to die so young.
Heck, we don't expect ourselves to die so young, much less our parents!
Of course there are no preparations!

So we talked about having some form of preparation, just in case. In the event that I suddenly die young, here's what my family/punkie po/good friends need to know:

1. People to call: My family, Punkie Po, Peirong, Shuying, Yijun, Sarah, Haojie, Jeremy, Lawrence, Alvin, Cindy, Xiao Xin, Ming Juan, Xin Jie, Yoon Jeong…
   
2. What I want to be dressed in: A dress paired with sexy heels
   
3. Appearance: Very light makeup– eyeliner, a bit of eyeshadow, lip gloss. I don't want to have ang ku kueh cheeks, or look clownishly garish! And matching nail polish for toes and fingers.
   
4. Coffin: Something highly polished and brown, topped with a glass cover. I'd want some things in there with me, in case I get lonely – a book (The Boy in the Bubble by Ian Strachan), the 21^st birthday scrapbook Shuying made for me, my table tennis bat, cheerleading uniform, some photos with family and friends, and the letters/cards I've received from friends over the years.
   
5. Funeral: Frankly, I don't really want my family spending a bomb on a wake where people sit around not knowing what to do. We can skip that altogether if possible. Just a coffin for one day for people to say their last goodbyes, then be cremated. Or if it's impossible to skip that, I'd want to have a photo of myself looking damn happy mounted at the altar. Instead of depressing funeral music, I'd love to hear Westlife songs – they're my favourite band! I also like Tank's 非你莫属 and 专属天使. I don't want a mourning of my death, but a celebration of my life! Up till now I've been so happy, why should the end be anything different? I would love to hear eulogies – this caters to my ego! And maybe I just want to know I made a difference to someone's life, that my life had meaning, you know?
   
6. Ashes: It's creepy for someone to keep me, and I don't much want to be in a columbarium either. Maybe be a pillion on a bike, and just let it go in the wind.
   
7. Others i: I would love it if someone printed out all my blog entries (from opendiary and blogspot) and located all my diaries from years past and give them to my parents. Samples of my handwriting, and evidence that I once lived, breathed, felt, thought… I was there! Punkie po gets to keep the colourful diary that I started for us.
   
8. Others ii: I wouldn't want my friends to delete my facebook account, or whatever online accounts I had. I don't want to be wiped off the face of the earth both physically and electronically. As far as possible I want it to be known that I was once here, doing the mundane things such as playing facebook like everyone else!
   
9. Others iii: All my belongings at home 1 will be settled by my family, all my belongings at home 2 will be settled by punkie po. You know, I'd love it if both parties made peace with each other just for once, for me – to compare stories from both phases of my life, if nothing else but to have a common point that both parties loved me. And for them to know that no matter what differences we may have had, I loved all dearly.
   
10. Others iv: Will you all please remember me?
    

… Now does that give you a better idea of what to do? No one can say I've never talked about it. Hah.

I don't much care about the afterlife, of reincarnation, or ceasing to exist, or whatever.
I just want to go knowing that I've tried my darndest best to lead a happy life, that I loved, was loved, and will be remembered.