On the topic of me possibly going to school on Thursday to seek help from my friends for studies because I did badly for that module...
me: I need to pull up my socks!
mom: *laughs* you've been wearing loose socks all this while
me: ya! what sucks is that everytime i pull it up, it slips down again
mom: maybe you need to change the rubber of your socks
me: or i can get rubber bands to keep it in place. but if the bands snap then it slips down again!
mom: *laughs* then it's time you get new socks.
So that was my mom's advice. To throw out my current thoughts/mentality. To just focus on one exam paper at a time, and after one is down, to not think about it (because discussing with friends and finding out that your answer is wrong is a very crappy feeling) and look ahead to the next one. To do my best and get the exams over and done with, even if I know that I won't be doing well this time. That even in the face of bad results, to take it as my mind is just warming up after a year of languishing and soaking in the onsens. I said that I cannot do too badly because it will mean I cannot go for my last semester. And now my mom knows that's another problem weighing on my mind, but she didn't throw up a big fuss like "HUH?! HOW COME?!" or say something like "YOU BETTER STUDY HARDER!"
[ I probably say similar stuff everytime I'm troubled over studies or stressed during exams, but these thoughts DO occur frequently under such circumstances. Bear with me!]
I love how my mom's cool about such stuff, and never was one of those naggy and result-conscious parents who'd sit their kids down and supervise them while they study. I love how she left my brother and I alone to manage our own studies, believing that even if we screw up it's our own future we're screwing up. And, I believe, trusting us to be responsible for our own studies. It's precisely because I value that trust that I want to do well, partly to show that I'm worthy of the trust, and to make my parents happy. I believe I've proven myself well over the years, enough for my mom to know that I always try my best. I was a little worried that she'll think I spent too much time on cheerleading, and didn't devote enough time to study, but she said nothing of that sort. In not so many words, I was told that as long as I try my best, it's good enough. Quite coincidental that I heard similar words from Shuying earlier in the day too.
It means a lot to me to have people believing in my effort instead of merely looking at the results. During stressful periods these people and these words are my buoys. :)