I think the most atrocious thoughts sometimes. And I can't help sharing some of them with certain people, but never the same certain people all the time. [ I've always thought it's so that no one gets a complete picture of who I am. Everyone has pieces. ] It's always easiest to confess to those who aren't directly related to my unhappiness, so that I gain some release, without having to worry about the repercussions of the direct party catching wind of my thoughts. Self-preservation. Yet I shock myself with my own thoughts occasionally. I don't know I can be so terrible.
I don't mind saying bad things about myself, whether seriously or jokingly, but I can't stand it when others say it about me. It's almost as though I have the right to criticise myself, but others aren't entitled to. It gets me upset. Or maybe I know I'm bad; I simply don't want people to point it out. Or is it because I say I'm bad, but I know that there are reasons behind what I say which are justifiable?
It always hurts when people attack you on something which you've put a lot of effort into.