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Note to self: Labels: work
I FEEL MOTIVATED! Labels: work
Work's not very stressful but I'm starting to feel a frequent strain between the eyes and around the temple. Labels: work
A few seconds after stepping into the office: Labels: work
As I was sitting in the midst of a discussion (okay, letting others discuss more like it) and letting their words wash over me in waves, it occurred to me it’s been a long while since I updated my blog. Life keeps getting more and more exciting. At the very least, it has been fun! Labels: relationships, work
We've really become adults. Labels: musings, relationships, work
On a totally different note, I had a good day at work today, because huilin came back!!! Lunch, needless to say, was fun, although it was really a pity rachel couldn't join us. The macdonald's seaweed shaker fries are good! Not a very smart choice considering I've a flu and cough, but who cares. ;p There's something about the energy of youngsters that makes life so much more interesting. Going back to the office was actually enjoyable, took photos, whispered a birthday song, took more photos... On hindsight I always wonder what's so funny, but at that point in time we were so easily tickled we just laughed and laughed and laughed. Laughter's good, though. :)
It's a little annoying when what I did has been trivialised. Earlier on I was chatting with Rachel and telling her how it was quite busy after lunch on Wednesday, when she came over and added her two cents' worth: Labels: work
Quite free, quite bored, quite tired, quite sleepy. Labels: work
These days I've been feeling extreme inertia. I feel terribly lazy. At work I'll plop onto the comfy chair every chance I get, instead of standing up to clear the work. It's almost as though I get tired of standing in no time. During lunch if it seems that my colleagues aren't free I'd rather go and dabao lunch alone instead of finding friends in the vicinity to eat, although I know I've some outstanding lunch dates to settle. Maybe it's the thought of picking up the phone and sending some smses back and forth to confirm a lunch date that seems so much of a hassle. I know it's only the process that's a bit troublesome, and that lunch will be worth it, but it's hard to get over the first roadblock. On the way home (or out) after work, I enjoy stoning on the train. In fact, these days I almost always fall asleep on public transport. Every chance I get I simply want to close my eyes and catch forty winks.
Results came out yesterday. They were not up to expectations, but they were decent. Yet there's still this niggling unhappiness, and the worry that my CAP will continue slipping, and at the end of four years I'll emerge with a second lower honours. It has to be second upper at least, or nothing at all. Rather pointless to spend so much just to get second lower, I think. My results may be good to others, who will be satisfied with what I got, but the point is I am not others; I am me. And this me is not over the moon. So I really need to go on SEP to freeze my results for one year, so I will have only two more semesters to struggle to keep it above 4.0. At the end of the day, whether it's borderline second upper or high second upper, it's still a second upper, right? :) There's still rachel but she's so camera-shy I don't have a decent picture of her. The pictures with her in them tend to look something like this: ... which may be funny, but aren't particularly helpful in identifying who she is. Till we manage to take a nice picture with her, this will have to suffice! So now you know who are the people who make work enjoyable for me. :) No more hello wellos for a while till gilly gets back from Shanghai, but before that, it's bye bye hl. Boo. Still, I shall count my blessings that work this time round is as good as it is, and much better than it was. Yay to new friends and getting to know old friends better! Labels: exams, pics, work, yay
I'm feeling happy! Feeling stuffed with a waffle, custard bun and agar agar for lunch (and dinner too, I suspect), and the four of us ladies in the office have made plans to dinner together next week, so exciting! :D I'm glad I managed to bring it up and it was very well-received, so now I'm really looking forward to it. In addition to that, one of the drug reps came around earlier on, and all of us have got a box of green tea mochi, happy! It was yummy, so maybe that will serve as high tea later on.
This feels like such a nice and lazy day, I'm more in the sleeping rather than the working mood. Labels: work
I am so tired. Labels: work
Feels good to be -slightly- busy, at least there's a sense of importance and accomplishment. The problems here aren't really mine; I simply help to make everything run smoothly. Actually it's quite amazing how this place keeps track of all the casesheets. There must be thousands of patients, and numerous doctors, clinics and departments claiming the notes for various reasons. I guess everyone's careful about recording movements of the notes to protect their own asses. It is not a good feeling when MRO indicates that the last movement was to your department and yet you can't find the notes. Who wants to lose notes?
I think something's wrong, I don't usually carry this feeling around with me for so long. Will it be strange to say I'm happiest at work? At least that's quite a new and relatively untouched area of my life, so it's... pure. Unfettered with unnecessary unhappiness or emotions, it's an abode from the mess and the sianness in other parts of my life. At least nowhere there really knows what I'm up to, who I know, what I do. There's freedom to be gained from their lack of knowledge. And maybe it's someplace to hide, someplace where I can think of some stuff, and forget others. I like work.
Now that I've rejoined the working society temporarily, I find it fun to look forward to Friday, even though it was only my second day of work yesterday. Ending half an hour early is exciting, thinking of the weekend is even more exciting! I thoroughly enjoyed lunch with rach and hl, I wonder how many people click with their colleagues like that. It makes me wish hl weren't leaving at the end of the month.
I had a good day! This, despite waking up at a time that's closer to my usual sleeping time than waking time, yearning for lunch at a time when usually I'm not even awake for breakfast, not being able to surf the net as I please (instead, having to huriedly change windows when a doctor walks by)... But I like being at work! The familiarity of seeing Rachel again, finally. I've made new friends, Amir and Hui Lin! The people I work with are generally quite friendly, and now I simply need to reacquaint myself with all the case file movements, the protocol, the climbing up and down now that the darn registrars' office is out of the building... There's also the fact that with work, it means I'm earning money. It's a good feeling. :) Granted, the place I work in may be a little depressing, but at least I'm firmly rooted to reality, and... I don't know, I think it's quite humbling, being there. Labels: work
To grow in my career I need to work on some weaknesses and aspire towards certain qualities.
1) Tenacity/Aggression - To be like a TIGER (or dog with lots of bark and bite) that bites and hangs on until I get what I want. If people say no, ask "why not?". Understand their concerns/point of view and address it.
2) Project management capability - To be capable of managing projects on my own by persistently chasing people and following up.
3) Raise profile - To speak up more and share thought process so that I'm more prominent.
Okay, so noted!
Actually it's not that difficult to make your staff happy.
Like a little ball of tension that needs to be massaged away.
Sometimes I feel quite disgruntled by certain ways things are done here.
Like how N and I are working on some paper together for the CEO.
But when there are meetings at the CEO's place with the relevant doctors regarding the paper's topics, she doesn't tell me about them but attends them herself, and I happen to find out by chance: because I ask her when I see tell-tale signs -- her in office attire with makeup. It happened last week, and it happened again today -- the meeting is tonight. And I happened to find out by chance because I asked again, and because in a discussion earlier on WJ asked if I'll be attending. How do I attend something when I'm not informed/invited and only find out on the day itself? I think it's ridiculous. Especially when the meeting is relevant, no, PERTINENT, to what I am working on. I don't know what the hell N is thinking when she's told about it but does not spread the information, AND still expect me to write the paper with her. Ridiculous, I tell you.
Actually sometimes that totally kills my drive to write a good paper for this crap. I don't see why I have to work so hard for something that I'm minimally involved in otherwise. And a small, small part of me feels hurt by it. Sigh. Tell me why I'm so stupid.
"Are you okay?"
"Hmm? Okay lah."
"You look a bit gloomy today. Who bully you?"
Trust the one who notices when we draw eyeliner on one side longer than the other to have a better feel for such subtle differences.
"Things will get better."
1. Kitty (Bottles Fooch Xiao Ping) came. Kitty died of constipation and bloatedness.
2. Went to Bangkok for a fantastic graduation shopping trip.
3. Kitty (Buttons Fooch Xiao Kou) came. Kitty was returned because of weak constitution.
4. Kitty (Mr. Tingles Fooch) came. Kitty is happily furring our bed. New cutie pie!! :D
5. Started work at Health Management International with 6 other trainees.
6. Went to Johor to visit Regency Specialist Hospital on the first day of work.
7. Went to Malacca to visit Mahkota Medical Centre after one week for work.
8. Big fights, good reconciliations.
9. Back in contact with some old friends.
Moving into a new phase of life (ie working life) has been good enough, in the sense that it’s been quite a steep learning curve and it’s sometimes tiring cramming a lot of information into my brain, but I feel good knowing that I’ll be financially stable and it’s basically something new! A management associate training program such as this is good because there are many other people my age, so there’s never a lack of company for lunch, and we’re better able to relate to one another. For now I don’t feel the work politics that’s often mentioned, but that may be because we haven’t started work proper and the atmosphere is currently still very much like being in school attending classes. As an aside, it’s also fun dressing up for work, looking smart and spiffy. On another note, I just cut my hair quite short so I think I look a bit like a tomato, but the up side is that if I want to, I can wax my hair and make it stand up! Easier to pull off a punk look like that. I’m looking forward to payday so I can go shopping to reward myself for a month of work!
Someone said that in relationships, our partners have a great influence over us. I think my partner’s making me psychotic – in the midst of an extremely heated argument I actually harbor extremely crazy thoughts that I myself think I’ve lost it. Sometimes I think to myself “I’ve never been this angry my whole life!” I charge across the room like a crazed elephant, practically to launch myself at her and to do some damage. I always tell myself I need to keep myself under control. I don’t like the loss of control – it shows that something is lacking. Insufficient willpower, perhaps.
I need to be less lazy. I have lots of visuals to share. I will show yall Mr. Tingles as soon as possible! :D
I was catching up with a friend I haven't talked to in a while, and she'll be the first of my friends to get married. Then when my mom called we talked a bit about the rest of my schooling life and my future.
In the past, the future was such a distant concept, seemingly never going to happen. What I'd considered 'the future' was when you're of an age to enter the workforce with a decent degree, of an age to consider marriage and planning your life with someone else. What had seemed light years away is now a mere year away. I can hardly believe where my present had gone to. But I suppose every day's considered the future, because today's the future that you'd thought of yesterday.
So I'm a major in Economics, but I don't particularly want to deal with so much of that in my future job. Somehow I'm more interested in making use of my Japanese, so I'm keen on finding a job in a Japanese company. Preferably one that'll send me overseas for work. My cousin had said that coming for SEP is probably the start of my wanderlust, and I see some truth in that. If that's my goal, then I'd better work harder on improving my command of the language. It was probably a good move to request for two language exchange partners, one of each gender; I'm definitely free enough to dedicate two hours each week to them. That aside, I was toying with the idea of buying a higher level textbook from school so that I can study that on my own when I get back. I'm also reminded that NUS offers a course on Business Japanese, and while I won't have the time to take the course itself, maybe I can ask the lecturer what learning materials are used. Then, of course, to study hard and pass JLPT 2. Maybe if I study really hard I can go for JLPT 1 in another year or something. We'll see how that goes. For once, for the very first time in my life, I actually have an idea of what I want to do in the future. Even if I'm not entirely sure of what kind of line I want to go into, the underlying intention is to get a job that requires proficiency in Japanese. Somehow this makes me more excited about the future, because I finally have something to work towards (the first step - maintaining my grades -.-).
Beyond work, there's marriage. International marriages still intrigue me, especially since the afore-mentioned friend, who is a Malay, is marrying a Japanese. If possible, I want to mix my blood a little more! However, having said that, I don't particularly want to marry a foreigner if he is not going to work in Singapore, and wants me to live somewhere that's not Singapore or Japan. That's just me wanting to have my cake and eat it. Then again, back in Singapore, it's probably back to my usual life, moving around in the usual circles, which comprise of Chinese, Chinese and more Chinese! As for inter-racial marriage with a fellow Singaporean, hmm.... Well, I can have my wishes and preferences, but when it comes to relationships we don't always get the Mr. Right that we paint in our minds, right? Dreams and reality are separate issues, which makes this so-called problem a non-issue!
The future is vast and unpredictable, that's what I'd always said. While "the road to success is always under construction"(as I saw from a quote on facebook), I just hope there's something good in store for me somewhere down the line. :)
Before lunchtime rachel and I were free to chit chat a little, and I always enjoy our conversations. And she's a very approachable adult, I don't really have reservations about asking her questions. It does help that she's also very forthcoming with details and basically offering information. It's very interesting. So haojie married sujuan, and haojie has an extremely fascinating family background, I'd never heard of something like that before. It makes me open my eyes to the world, and I realise that not everyone leads a seemingly normal (or mundane) life like mine. Perhaps some would think his family's life is colourful, but I think it's colourful... in a bad way. It sounds just like something you'd hear about in stories, but not in real life!
I received another gift from rachel too, a pretty pair of wedges! It reminds me of the killer heels jermy wormy gave to me because of the design, but this one's lower. Pretty pretty, both of them! I should bring them to view the world more often.
Yay! Work this year has been wonderful, I love having a bunch of colleagues whom I'm close to and comfortable with. At least I don't dread going to work, because I know some fun always awaits. Part of me doesn't want eileen to come back and so-called spoil the status quo, because I never really got to know her (ok I just got to know huilin and gilly but it seems an altogether different matter somehow), yet I somehow feel she's not the kind of person I'd like to hang out with. It also doesn't make me feel over the moon to know that when she's back, I need to move back to the cubicle behind huilan, away from all the gossip and 'action' - I fall under closer scrutiny of the doctors and huilan, maybe. Ahhh but I need to handover too. It's bye bye me in 3 weeks! Remind me to collect my pay cheque tomorrow, I forgot to do so today, can you believe it? -.-''
"No lah, actually it wasn't very busy, the two of them gan jiong only..."
When Rachel mentioned roster, she admitted that Hui Lin was a little busy because of that, then she continued:
"When I went over to ask if they needed help, K was just doing MR. The main thing was to recognise the handwriting/signature."
Wahhh when I heard that I was like -.-''' By the time she came over to help we'd cleared most of the work lah!!! I suppose she didn't know we were clearing the DCI stuff, running around tracing notes, doing the necessary work for all the MRs the doctors threw out. I didn't even have time to trace notes in advance for the list Qaniah faxed over. And she made me sound so free. Raar!
That's why I was feeling a little gleeful when I accidentally threw away the sticky note that a doctor left on the file which had some information which she needed, and the best thing was the aunty had, mere minutes ago, cleared our dustbins. Muahaha. At least she could make a phone call to get the necessary information. Because of that, I'm not screwed, and I can feel gleeful that I caused some inconvenience.
That's for making me sound very free. Take that!
Sheha said I've got a sexy voice over the phone muahaha.
Yes, another random post. :)
Maybe I'm getting old.
Apart from the problems listed above, I think my body is getting a bit wonky. First it was the hand problem. Then on Saturday at RI my shoulder felt out of sorts trying to push myself into a bridge from an inclined position, but I thought it was just because I have weak arms. At gym today both shoulders hurt when trying to work the triceps. Somehow it felt like the joints didn't fit properly in the socket, and it was very very uncomfortable using that machine - it simply didn't feel right.
Sigh.
And there was a point in time during cheerleading trainings when my ankle felt weak and my knees were creaky. (But they feel fine now.)
I am only 21.
:(
- - -
Finally I have pictures of/with my colleagues!
brilliant gillianne
wanna-be-cool hui lin
act cute me
and the madcap trio!
Work Colleagues make me happy!
- - -
Sometimes two different parties remain aloof even though they don't have trouble communicating with others. Perhaps that's because the 'others' are supposedly of the same standard as them. I find doctors a little high and mighty occasionally. Most of the people here are friendly, at least smiling or saying a 'hi' when they bump into us. Then there are others who simply look right through us, or make eye contact with nary a smile, basically talking to us only when they need us to do something for them. Talk about making use of people.
The chasm can partly be attributed to some reticence on my part as well. I don't like to fake familiarity with people I hardly know, and whom I feel slightly in awe of. It feels like there's a social hierarchy, and obviously I'm on the lower rung of the ladder, ie I'm relatively socially inferior. It is plain weird to be mixing around with doctors and being on chummy terms. Huilin can do it, but... Maybe it's because she's been here longer. Or that she's a potential medical student. Me? I'm an econs student, and happy to be one. :) It's just that temp staff here are usually wannabe doctors, so... A little out of place. But don't care!
While doctors are skilled in their own fields, and their minds are probably filled with information about -insert medical terms of which I can remember none at the moment- which are mind-boggling to the layman, it is rather incongruous that they don't know the simple stuff like checking the fax log to see whether their fax has gotten across, or how to return the remote to the Ops department. There are times when I can't help but think that's so simple, can't they do it themselves? After all they're at the meeting room, then they come down with the attendance folder and laptop, leaving the remote there because they don't know what to do with it. Then one of us will have to make the trip upstairs to clean up after them, and come back down again. Unnecessary hassle, if you ask me. Then again, some may say that's what we're paid to do.
Oh well.
- - -
I wonder why there is a need to make the waiting areas of government clinics so darn cold. A sick person will just feel worse in that kind of environment, won’t he? A friend was saying this area is like decomposing, full of old people. Yet yesterday I saw a girl merely in her teens, in a wheel chair, in NCC. It made me feel sad. Handling the insurance cases, dealing with the mortality round, I see data to do with deaths quite often. Hell, working in NCC, I’m surrounded by sickness. And I wonder why there is cancer. Why it takes so many darn forms, why it is so prevalent. Now, the patients are merely names to me. What if one day, I can attach faces to the names? A wholly different matter altogether.
- - -
And I think I need to get more than 4+hours of sleep daily. It is not nice to feel utterly sleepy when my colleague is trying to explain stuff to me. I have to drag my tired ass to training later. Ahhh. Where’s my bed.
On another note, the grumpy mood is finally lifting!
- - -
I wonder if exercise is going to help shed some extra kgs. As yet I don't detect any difference; The exercise is only making my body hurt. My left hand and right arm hurt. Must've been the tumbling, not that I did much. But I don't care - I still want to accomplish a back handspring!
Speaking of weight, my parents just bought a new weighing machine and it really is quite cool. Apparently if you input your height, and you stand on it to take your weight, it can somehow calculate the percentage of fats in your body and water percentage. Machines these days truly are getting quite high-tech. I am glad to announce that for my age, height and weight, my fats percentage is very low! In fact, according to the chart, a little less and it'll fall within the underfat range. That makes me feel good... Although I'm not exactly very light. ;p At least I'll think that the extra weight is due to extra muscle mass, yeah!
- - -
I ended up thinking I was being used as a substitute. I'm sure that wasn't the case, but my mind fabricates stories. On the train this morning I saw someone's T-shirt slogan that read: Worry is a misuse of the imagination.
Makes some sense.
I'll be content to let someone else hold the reins now. I'm not in the mood to be in control, take charge. Let someone else do it for a change. Let me go.
Damn, but I'm weird.
What makes people click? Is it complementary personalities? The willingness to open up and chat without so much reservation? Or it's simply a matter of fate and chemistry which we have no control over? There are some people whom you'll feel comfortable chatting with instantly, and others whom you have to force yourself to chat with, and try to keep a distance from, and squirm when your personal space is invaded. Coming back to work has been very good for me, the chemistry all around must have been excellent, because I'm keeping top-grade company. I find that people can be drawn out of their shells if the feeling is right, and somehow chatting becomes automatic, without losing the fun factor. Even seemingly shy people will throw off their mantle of hesitance and awkwardness, then chat as though they're old friends. It's not everyday I find someone whom I click with instantly, and will go to when I'm bored to sit on a stool by her feet, lean against the cupboard and chat.
I'm drawn to people who're chatty with warm personalities. These make them so much more approachable, and the lure of making a friend whom I'm likely to want keep is irresistable. Work is good - so far. :) I hope that time won't reveal so much negativity that I lose this good feeling I'm having now.
All righty, I need to sleep soon. All that exercise you put me through has made me rather tired. ;p
Anyhow, apart from my colleagues having the intention to lunch with me, which I thought was really sweet, I've got... my primary school friend! Gosh today was the first time in absolutely ages that we had a meal together, and I think through the years our tongues have gotten looser, we've gotten less shy, and we just talked a lot. Fun. On top of that, we live near enough, so I've got company home too. I must be really lucky. Previously I had pr, now I have hh. Good deal. :D
Sometimes I wonder how I know some of the things I do. I don't know for sure, but I simply have an impression of who lives where, whose birthday is when, whose sibling is whoever... Perhaps my mind simply stores all the strange information, instead of the econs/japanese/whatever knowledge I try to cram into it. Sorry if you found me freaky ar. I shall try to be less knowledgeable. ;p
All in all, it has been a good day, I can't wait to get back to work tomorrow!
