freedom
courage
patience
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I think sometimes I want things to fall into place perfectly. Labels: relationships
And when I can't control situations the way I would like to I get frustrated. It seems hard to be responsible for people/things other than oneself. Pets are so simple-minded. Fatty seemed to think that after he did something bad, all he had to do was yowl or act cute and everything would be okay. He thinks that the world revolves around him. But I could never be in charge of discipline. Too soft-hearted to hit them, and too soft-hearted to leave them caged when I'm around. I just need to be deaf and blind to the frantic scrabbling and whimpers to be let out. Either that or suck it all up and take care of whatever mess that arises from my weaknesses.
In this new world I don't blog often; I'm only jolted out of my reverie and incited to log onto blogger when I need to vent. Either that or I sit at the kitchen table and cry it out, then desperately text someone to make plans to distract myself. Then I go out for the night, guzzle beer and other alcoholic drinks, reach the high stage, exceed the high stage to the crazily spinning world, make myself feel sick and throw up. Someone said that we should only drink when we're happy, but there's something so terribly satisfying about throwing caution to the wind and imbibing in alcohol to forget our worries. But at the back of my spinning head I wanted you right there with me, I wanted you to take me home. How is it that we can be so mad at someone one moment, hating the person for making us cry, for sticking splinters into us; then want to let everything go and just feel the person's arms around us? Humans don't make sense to me.
You told me that lesbian relationships are usually very erratic, full of ups and downs. Forgive me for not blogging more about our ups. But one of them's Concorde, which I'm looking forward to. So please don't ever again mention returning me the deposit. Or about changing our status... We're not the best people we can be when we quarrel, but no matter what I don't want to jeopardise us in the heat of the moment. Believe in us.